Miles of frozen tundra

You wrote the instructions for the rest of my life. I don’t know if you noticed, but you were crystal fucking clear. I was not to look back, ever. If your thoughts should turn to death, gotta stomp them out, like a cigarette. If I decided to go a certain way, I was to go that way, no matter what.

I was not to trust too much, in anyone or anything at all. Trusting was for the losers, the weak-hearted, the ones that would always be stepped on. You taught me all too well that in order to survive one had to be the strong one, the tall one, the cold one. Someone might get hurt, but it wont be me…

Lesson no. 3: Take it Easy, Love Nothing. If nobody cares, why should I? And so it went, me on the front row of a strike marching to nowhere land, with nothing to offer but willing to take it all. Love’s an excuse to get hurt.And to hurt.

I learned it all by heart. I believed in what you said, I bought the whole thing: hook, line and sinker. You taught me well, didn’t you? And what am I to do now, now that people ask for my trust, for my heart, and I cannot give it away?

I must admit that you made life easier for me, in oh so many ways. Not necessarily better, but easier, which is what you’ve always liked. I should probably feel cheap, but I just feel free, and a little bit empty.


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