Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 3.14

This is mostly a Rory-&-Jess -centric episode.

Emily requests a dinner with Rory and Jess. Jess gets attacked by a swan, and everybody thinks he got into a fight with Dean, and he gets into a fight with Rory about that. Dave and Lane must ‘come clean’ to their bandmates, about something. Jess is a jealous jerkface at some point. Lorelai has a date with Alex, and is awkward about leaving Rory by herself.

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing with future events in mind. SPOILER ALERT.

Emily invites Jess to a friday night dinner
Emily is such a manipulator. But, like, Rory could have said no. Why is this family so bad at boundaries?! And why are these grandparents wanting to necessarily meet the boyfriend? It is just so foreign to me, that any extended family would care so much to meet an 18-year-old’s boyfriend.
Because Rory has agreed already, Jess kinda has to go. Oh boy.

x x
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Oh, have I mentioned I like Rory’s newer hairstyle? Because I do.

Now on to Jess being a jealous jerkface.
Is he that insecure and that much of an asshole that he is asking Rory where she’s been and questioning her about hanging out with Dean? Which she wasn’t, but so what if she was? Him hating Dean is not Rory’s problem. Even Dean being a jerk to Jess when he is isn’t Rory’s problem. They should just take out their dicks and sword-fight it out. Heh.
I also hate that Rory always seems to be relatively okay with her boyfriends being jealous dicks, and not because it is her responsibility to stop them, but because it reinforces this already-very-reinforced idea that jealousy is normal, that men being asshats about ex-boyfriends is totally chill. It isn’t.

I am intrigued at how I have changed in regards to this. I am super zero-tolerance about jealousy. I remember when I first watched the series, and I remember thinking, “Well at least Jess lets it go relatively fast.” At least NOTHING. Jerks. All of ’em.

Lorelai walks in on Rory making out, and has issues
Did Lor really think that Jess and Rory never make out? Does she think that they couldn’t do that (or anything, really) anywhere else as well? Between her and Luke deciding that going up every 10 minutes to check up on them, you have the worst communication about sex  e v e r . By the end of the episode, they figure it out though. Well, Lorelai and Rory. Luke and Jess never do.

Also, can I just say that while you technically can make a baby in 10 minutes, how sad is that short amount of time for sex? Did young Lorelai just go in and out and that’s what she used to do with Christopher? I mean, I know 16-year-olds tend to be sort of clueless as far as pleasure goes, but jeez. I mean, some people do like that, but mostly it is lack of knowing any better that makes for 10-minute penetrative sex sessions.

The friday night dinner
Jess shows up with a black eye. Now, that is not my problem with everything, as much as how he acts like Rory does not deserve an explanation for him arriving like that at a dinner. His pride is too big to admit he got attacked by a swan? I mean, it’s funny, but it’s the truth. And it is better than Jess acting like a twat.
[I also want to point out that in a Season 1 episode, Michel talks about his dislike of swans because he was once attacked by swans. What is it with the writers and swan attacks? I wonder if there is a personal story behind it, or an inside joke there? Hmm.]

Emily is really good at being forcefully pleasant to people. She is obviously not okay with a lot of things, but she is keeping it civil, which is good.

Rory is an untimely idiot, too, though. Asking about his eye in the middle of dinner, in front of her grandmother? Has she lost all sense of where she is? Rory is smarter than that..? Jess is right, if they are trying to make a good impression on Emily, per her request, she is the one who is making it extra difficult. And yes, then Jess also behaves like a jerk. They’re all idiots, and they’re all jerks. Ugh.
And why does everyone think Jess would be the one to start a fight with Dean when Dean has been the one constantly provoking him since Rory and Dean broke up?! And when Dean and Jess do get into a fight (SPOILER) it is ALSO Dean who starts it. Like, fuck Dean. Fuck this entire scene, to be honest.

Mrs. Kim runs into Lane’s band
Zack and Brian’s confused faces when Dave is talking to Mrs. Kim about the Christian combo that they’re in is really funny. Dave handled that really well, though. And by ‘really well’ I mean he lies really well.
I love how Zack and Brian are super chill, but especially that they tell Lane that they would totally play Christian hymns for her mom. I appreciate them.

The swan
It is a hilarious story, that a swan attacked Jess and “beaked” him in the eye. I find it kind of pathetic that he couldn’t just tell that to Rory, not even at the end. Ah, the ego.


Willow speaks the truth.

Woah. I did not remember this conversation almost at all, the one Luke has with Jess at the lake. Luke talks about “girls like Rory” which at first I thought he meant like, class-wise. Because part of what is tough about the Gilmores is the classism. He says that with girls like Rory, he is also involved with her whole family, just like with “that other girl” (Shane, who Luke doesn’t even bother to call by name), he was involved with her entire petri dish. HOLD THE HELL UP. There is soooo much yuck in one sentence, I don’t know where to start. He is saying Shane was a slut, he is saying she probably had STI’s, and he is saying STI’s also make you a slut, and that because of all these reasons, Rory is an “entirely different type of girl”. The good kind, the kind that does not bore you on day one (so Shane is also dumb..? Where does he even get that?). Fuck Luke, and fuck the nonsense of making other women into bad women just to highlight how good your main character is.
And that particular conversation ends with Luke talking about how Jess should not avoid her, because Dean wouldn’t avoid her, because he had her for two years. He had her? Luke is sounding like the worst jackass to me here.

Anyhoo. Fortunately they break that disaster of a dialogue with some swan-fighting hilarity.

Jess: Watch it.
Luke: I’m watching it. It’s pretty. (Jess: Shhh!) Is he gonna double back?
Jess: Maybe.
Luke: So it’s lulling us into complacency.
Jess: He’s vicious. I’m telling you.
Luke: Yeah, its butt’s terrifying.
Jess: He’s outnumbered, that’s the problem. He knows it’s two of us.
Luke: Do you want me to go underwater, swim along with the boat, breathe through a straw? (Jess: Forget it.) Maybe he’s gonna get another swan, come back, make a fight of it?
Jess: Forget it.

Finally, some (not tons) sex talk

Alexis is getting more comfortable with the kissing, I see. I am glad. That was hot.

I find it frustrating that even Lor and Rory, who are supposedly super open to each other about everything, keep referring to sex as “IT”. Like it is a thing that must not be named. Anyway. I am glad they sort of start a conversation. Especially since Rory is telling her when she is starting to think about it. It makes me happy.

The end.


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