Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 5.07

I adore this episode. Rory follows her journalistic instincts all the way to an eccentric, debaucherous (is that a word?) and hilarious event in the middle of nowhere, and the rich bro extraordinaire grows a little bit on all of us. Emily finds out – from, uh, Kirk – that Lor is dating Luke, so both her and Richard demand to re-meet him. Zach is done processing and is verbalizing a little.

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing with future events in mind. SPOILER ALERT

I also adore Rory’s hair this season. It is my favorite season, as far as Rory’s hair goes – which we all know, is the most important factor.

Lorelai was hiding Luke
I don’t blame her for hiding anything from her parents, to be honest. Emily demands to re-meet Luke the following week. She doesn’t even ask. She gives zero fucks.
honk if emily

Lorelai feels like the entire world is doomed because she knows what her parents are like. Luke doesn’t know. He has heard some, but he doesn’t know know. He finds out soon enough, though.

Luke (seeing the Gilmores’ house): This is what causes peasants to revolt. This is how heads end up on spikes.
Lorelai: Open with that. That’s a great icebreaker.

Zack is ready now
Zack is, like I was saying, pretty average. And Lane is a glorious goddess. That said, he is a dork and he tries, so I don’t dislike him. Todd Lowe (the actor) was a great choice for that role, too. His little dorky smile when he is talking to Lane about figuring out the dating thing is perfect.
I don’t think I had paid attention to Lane’s room. I love it. It is the perfect combination of cute and rock n roll. They have a date at their place, because they live together. But Brian wants to join them, which is awkward and hilarious. But, like, they dress up, and everything. I am kind of okay with this.

Quality time with the Gilmore grandparents
First, the friday night dinner happens, with Emily.

I am not sure if I have mentioned this before. Lorelai criticizes the hell out of her parents for constantly laying off employees without much of a reason, and for being stuffy elitist snobs. Which, I mean, they are. But Lor doesn’t make much of an effort to get to know the maids, and is often making jokes that only confuse them and can possibly make them underperform, per Emily’s standards. Apart from a few times – that I am pretty sure I could count with one hand – neither Rory nor Lor go out of their way to defend these employees, except when it is to ridicule Emily. Just a thought.

Uuuugh Emily makes a joke about Tourette’s. *sigh*

Emily is in top shape for this Friday night dinner. She was subtly elitist and dismissive, slowly escalating in her veiled attacks. Kelly Bishop is so so perfect in this role, partly because she gets the nuances of the upper-class, Emily-Post-etiquette, passive-aggressive master manipulator. The way she pronounces beer, rustic, charming. Simple cloth.  E V I L .
Lorelai: The word “beer”? Backhand slang for “nitwit juice”.

Luke was right, though. Lorelai jumping in was making it worse. Lorelai jumping at everything makes everything worse, every Friday night dinner in the entire show. She means well, but she doesn’t always handle things super great. She was making Luke even more nervous than he probably already was.

At dinner, though, Emily goes for the kill. The roadkill, specifically. She goes on and on about how diners often serve dead animals found on the street, how diner-goers are careless and gross, etc. Emily is such a treasure, as a character. But only as a character. I know people who are as infuriatingly classist, who are not fictional characters. Which is what makes Emily so important, but also so easy to hate sometimes. She can be horribly destructive, with Luke and Lorelai’s relationship being the best example the series provides.

Luke: You know what’s amazing? I mean, truly amazing?
Lorelai: What?
Luke: She never said anything bad about me or the diner or anything else concerning me.
Lorelai: She’s good.
Luke: And all I did was thank her over and over. She’d hammer me, and I’d thank her.

Then comes golf with Richard. Lorelai tries to stop it, but Richard is set on re-meeting Luke. Whatever that means for him and Emily.
Lorelai: Well, have fun.
Richard: This is not about fun. This is about protocol.
Lorelai: Well, have a good protocol, dad. Bye.

Luke has to pretend he knows how to play golf. That sounds exhausting. Golf sounds exhausting. Luke keeps hitting things and carts and people instead of the appropriate holes.
Richard takes a different approach than Emily. I don’t know if it is better or worse, to be honest, but it is very Richard. Richard chooses to attempt to assimilate Luke into a life that he and Emily approve of. Tells him to buy golf equipment, suggests franchising Luke’s Diner, suggests investment bankers and barbers and art dealers for him. Luke is wondering what the fuck, and his facial expressions are golden.
They’re both evil, though. Emily and Richard. They think their daughter’s dating life is their own, and that a man who made his own business is a loser and beneath Lorelai. They’re horrifying sometimes.

The Life and Death Brigade
Ohhh. Juxtaposition with a side of foreshadowing: Rory listens to a voicemail from Dean about meeting somewhere in the Interstate blah blah blah (I dozed off too, Rory, don’t worry). Meanwhile, she opens a cryptic message from Logan about an escapade with the Rich Brigade. It is not Dean’s fault that he has to juggle three jobs while Logan can plan and execute elaborate, kind of ridiculous, but fun escapades with his wealthy douchey friends. It doesn’t make Logan better. But Rory does end up choosing one thing over the other, albeit not on purpose. I mean, I get it. Logan is more fun. Logan brings out the fun in Rory, too. But also the hugely privileged ways. Anyway.

They have fancy tents that would be absolutely done if it had happened to rain, filled with furniture that, like, who brought it there? Who set everything up? They play a game in which you’re not supposed to say the letter “e” (but I mean, what if your name is Ernest – do people just not address you all night? Poor Ernies of the LDB.) They are dressed in a Safari theme (on the first night). They’re big on themes.

Logan is also mediocre but he is a very charming mediocre. I’ve said it before, that I blame Matt Czuchry 100%. Logan is supposed to be, what, twenty-one? 21-year-old rich dudes are not that charming, or worldly, or clever. A real life Logan would come off as a total jackass. Matt as Logan comes off as an easily likeable, but more importantly fuckable, jackass. Which is a less annoying form of jackass.

He grew on me. Elitist-trustfund-kid Logan grew on me. Goddamnit.

Logan gets Rory a dress for the next day’s event. She looks like a magical fairy. A dude says something-something and urges everyone to raise a glass and then automatically everyone couples up to drink champagne. And everyone pairs up in hetero couples.This is embarrassing.
And of course Logan couples up with Rory, in case you had missed every single clear sign that they’re going to be A Thing. Amy Sherman-Palladino is not one for subtle pairing. She is not the friend that smiles and nudges you a little every time your crush walks by: she is your sibling elbowing your rib until there’s bruising.

The LDB plays some sort of polo in which women in wooden carts (how did they get those to the middle of nowhere?!) carried by men drive balls into specific, uh, targets? That looks so ridiculous, but super fun. Then they shoot with paintball guns at human targets who land on gym mats, which looks extremely unsafe. Finally, they set up a 7-story structure thingie from which some of them would jump with wires that they tested on potatoes. Also unsafe, but hey, they’re super hardcore life-and-death-brigaders */sarcasm*. And their parents cover any medical (or miscellaneous) bills that may arise. So, y’know, whatevs.

Logan: And to think some groups just go bowling. (Translation: And to think not everyone has millionaire parents to pay for their pointless debauchery. Who knew!)

Rory joins the people jumping from that shady-looking structure. Good for her. She does need a little adventure.

Studies have shown that if you do an adrenaline-filled activity (like rollercoasters, scary movies, or, uh, jumping off with a wire and an umbrella), you sometimes associate that adrenaline with the person who you do the thing with, which makes those activities great for dates. I see what you did there, Logan.

Ooof. This one was long. But worth it.


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