Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 5.13

Our review and episode #100! Time goes by so fast. It is time for Emily and Richard’s 2nd wedding. There is a bachelorette party for Emily, and a fancy ceremony. Rory hooks up with Logan, Chris behaves like a complete jackass, Emily looks like a goddess. 

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing with future events in mind. SPOILER ALERT

Emily thinks Lor is throwing her a bachelorette party
… or weasels her way into one? Regardless. She is super nervous about her wedding vow renewal, about the dress having flaws, about there not being a rehearsal.

Lorelai: Mom, I promise you. I have successfully walked in a straight line at least once before. I can get you the cop’s name if you wanna talk to him.

After Rory and Lor realize what Emily thinks that evening is, they invite Stars Hollow women to their place. Even Lane shows up, with Kyon, who doesn’t seem to understand why there is a bachelorette party for a woman who is married. I don’t get it either, Kyon, don’t worry. Lane and Kyon’s friendship grew on me. They’re both super precious babes.
Emily gets drunk on rum & cokes, and it is fabulous.

Babette: You know, Emily, you may look highbrow, but underneath you’re just a broad.
Emily: Do you hear that, Gypsy, I’m a broad.
Gypsy: (Who just met Emily 5 seconds ago) Yeah, I always suspected.

(I want to clarify that while that’s her name and that is why I write it out, the G word is a slur and unacceptable.)

Rory is very into Logan now
While chatting after the bachelorette party, Lor compares her parents kicking some people out of their reserved space, and other rich entitled people, to the rich entitled people of the Life and Death Brigade. And she is right, in everything she says about them: they’re entitled and irresponsible because they can, because there are little to no consequences thrown at them for anything.
Rory gets defensive and, frankly, super stupid, about that. She is thinking about her feelings for Logan. But, I mean, I love my family. I still think several men in my family are misogynistic, entitled, classist jerks. One thing does not negate the other.
It’s true that money doesn’t automatically make you a jerk, but it sure helps.

Luke is uncomfortable
I would be too, to be honest. He didn’t know he could get dressed at the place, so he got dressed before and now his suit is wrinkly. Emily and Richard keep being passive-aggressive elitist assholes the entire time. Cousin Marilyn asks him if he has ever considered being a gardener.

Marilyn: Is he a gardener?
Lorelai: No, he owns a diner.
Marilyn: I have always wanted to have an affair with a gardener. Apparently that’s very in now.
Season 5 aired at the same time-ish as season 1 of Desperate Housewives. When Eva Longoria’s character (Gabriela?) was having the affair with the hot gardener. Good times.

And then! Lorelai tells Luke about that time Chris and Lor drank because Chris’ dad had died and Luke is not pleased. I would not be pleased by the fact that Lor didn’t tell me then, or the way she is telling now like she was hiding it? I don’t know. It’s weird. And Lor is super awkward which makes it worse.

Wedding Bell Blues
Rory looks super hot in that suit. Like, really really hot. I am having a lot of queer feelings that I didn’t have when I first watched it because I was straight but now they’re all coming to me. This is great.
Rory wants to find out if the person Logan brought to the ceremony is a friend or a date or what, so she buzzes around him, hiding behind tall people, sneaking about. I love her. I’ve definitely done that.

Rory puts her brave pants on and asks Logan who the girl is, and finds out she is a family friend. She asks him to dance, and why he hasn’t asked her out. He says that it’s because she is special, girlfriend material, and he doesn’t do commitment. This is such a cliche, its really embarrassing. She tells him she can do no-strings-attached fun, and drags him to a room with a bottle of champagne in hand. You go, Rory.

Logan: I feel like I am kissing a guy. *She kisses him* … And apparently I didn’t know what I was missing.
Now I have gay-porn-starring-Logan images and wishes stuck in my head.

Emily looks super super cute, too. Kelly Bishop is a queen. Every woman in this show is a queen, to be honest.

as a straight male christopher

The worst.

Meanwhile, Chris is drinking heavily and looking at Lorelai and Luke bitterly and like he is up to something. I’ve watched this at least 5 times, and each time I am thinking how the hell did he let himself be dragged into this?! He just had his daughter ask him to butt out and not ruin her mom’s relationships anymore like 3 weeks ago? He says he loves Lorelai and wants her to be happy, and yet LOOK AT HIM RIGHT NOW.

Testosterone-filled white boys attack, again
They’re gathering the wedding party for a photo, and Lorelai walks in on Rory and Logan with their clothes all messy and making out. Oops.

But then Chris walks in and gets all possessive-angry-monster on Logan. And then Luke does the same. I AM SO ANGRY. Rory is not a child. Rory is also not Luke’s child, and apart from the sperm he donated to the mix, Chris has never been a father either. Even if they were, the scene they both caused – separately, and worse, together – is totally inappropriate and uncalled for. Logan wasn’t pawing anyone, Rory has a right to hook up with whomever she wants, and if anyone has a right to talk to Rory with any kind of authority in regards to appropriate behaviour (or whatever) is Lorelai. Instead she has to deal with the two dudes like they’re children. Ugh. I hate entitled, toxic masculinity so much.
That said, Luke has much more of a right to be there at all – not being a jackass, but generally have a say – than Chris. Chris has never been there, has never wanted to be a father, and now he wants to reclaim his fatherhood just so he can be the belligerent possessive drunk dad?!
I didn’t remember how much I hated Chris. He is such a weak, inconsistent, selfish asshole. He was exquisitely manipulated by Emily, and she didn’t even have to try too hard. He ruins everything every time. Saying he belongs with Lorelai. I really don’t know if he is enough of an insecure idiot to believe that or if he is just saying that because he is a loser who can’t be consistent enough to get anyone else to stay with him.

Marilyn catches Lorelai before she has a chance to run after Luke after he takes off.
Marilyn: You can’t let a room full of anglo-saxons waiting for cake for too long. They start to form more clubs.
This is probably true.

Since part of Chris’ horrifying monologue let Lorelai know that Emily had told Chris to step in, Lor tells Emily that they are done. I would have done the same.

If I remember correctly the following episode is one of the most depressing things that’s ever happened. When Lor is sad, I am sad.


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