This episode’s number is a baby! A tiny cute baby! So of course she is the perpetrator. HA! The perpetrator of cuteness! (not even sorry..). Someone’s trying to make a baby disappear, John and Harold are hilarious babysitters, Elias continues to be a callous crime lord. Y’know, the usual.
I have watched the whole show before, so SPOILERS MIGHT HAPPEN. Big spoilers will be blanked out but references and irrelevant spoilers are going to be out in the open.
This episode starts off with two new unrelated numbers, which is a first in the show. One is Moretti, Elias’ father, and the other is Leila Smith, a six-month-old baby (!!!)
We start off with Moretti, who is being released and is wanted by Elias. Carter tries to offer him protection but he refuses at first.
Moretti: Cops all look the same.
I like his anti-cop attitude, not gonna lie.
Elias’ people try to get him within his first hour of freedom, though, so he takes Carter’s offer and goes into hiding, with only her and another detective, Szymanski, knowing where he is. And John, of course.
Since John was helping Carter with the Moretti situation, Harold went to investigate who Leila was and what was going on. He spots two suspicious people looking for Leila at a hospital, so he finds himself in a tricky situation.
Harold: I’m afraid I may have done something rather rash.
John: What do you mean by rash?
He kidnapped an orphaned baby, of course. To be fair with Harold, though, the suspicious people were going to take her and smuggle her out of the country, so he did good. Good instincts, Harry.
She is the cutest! And they have her hanging out inside a “fence” made of stacked books!
But of course the clinic put out an AMBER alert for her, with a description of Harold.
Joss: Missing? She was stolen! By some weird-looking *looks to Harold* No! You didn’t…
Harold: She was in imminent danger of kidnap.
Joss: So *you* kidnapped her. […] I should arrest you.
I adore that the writers didn’t go for the cheap “haha-they’re-men-so-they’re-incompetent-at-parenting” jokes with John and Harold taking care of Leila. Harold (like any adult male) can google, so he gets Leila’s diapers right, buys her proper food, etc.
The only problems arise from them doing the work they do, of course. Things like having tear-gas grenades lying around. Small details like that.
Simmons (one of the higher-ranked HR cops) pressures Fusco to find out where Carter is keeping Moretti, but Fusco doesn’t want to be helpful. Good job, Lionel.
Meanwhile, Harold and John are trying to find out who Leila’s parents are. The mother seems to have died in a fire, probably premeditated. And the father has got to be one of the Petrosian men – the owners of the company that was donating thousands to the clinic Leila was in.
John follows the son and finds him making out with a dude, so John rules him out, since bisexuality is not a thing apparently? C’mon, John! What would your future bisexual Mayhem Twin say? Shame on you.
So anyway, Joss figures out that the person who killed Leila’s mother was the Petrosian lady, to make “the problem” (an actual living baby) her husband caused go away. Grrr.
The kidnappers get to the baby, so John decides to go to Elias for help, since he might know the people who smuggle cute little children in and out of NYC. Elias agrees to help John out, since, according to Anthony (Scarface), “the boss has a soft spot for him”. I ship that incredibly problematic ship, okay, I don’t care.
Of course, just as John gets a hold of the baby, Elias changes his mind about this selfless-helping thing (although I am sure he thought this through the minute he agreed to help John), and locks John and Leila inside a refrigerated truck until John gives Elias the location of his father. He would.
That scene is so stressful! Cute lil’ Leila crying and freezing her ass off, John cutting himself loose so he can hold Leila to keep her warm.
Once again out of options, John gives Elias the location where they are keeping Moretti, and John gets Leila out just in time to keep her from dying. Now he must rush to save Moretti too. Elias gets to him first, and shoots Szymanski (He doesn’t die, don’t worry. Not that you necessarily worried since we just met the guy, but…)
Joss asks John how Elias knew, and he explains that he had to go to him to save Leila. Joss isn’t having it, and tells John that he had a choice, and it’s called the police.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I adore Carter, she is the queen of my heart, but she is so naively trusting in the power of the police – which is hypocritical, since part of why she is helping John and Harold is because the police isn’t as effective as they are, and since half of the police are corrupt and she knows it – that she sometimes gets on my nerves. She really thinks the cops would have figured out where Leila was before she was smuggled out of the country? Really?! Anyway.
She tells John that she cannot work with them anymore – which is fair. It breaks my heart, but it is a fair boundary to have. Getting your friends shot is a solid reason to stop going on adventures with someone.
The episode ends with John and Harold taking Leila to her grandparents, and John staring longingly at the baby, asking Harold if that will ever happen for them (even though he probably means separately, I choose to believe he meant together). “Probably not.”
I want to hug them and be the surrogate womb that makes their dreams come true.
That sounds way creepier than it should. I’m gonna go now.