There is a lot you can learn from trauma.
You learn to duck, to dive, to jump, to dodge. You learn to cover essential organs so you wont die from internal bleeding. You learn to sanitize and stitch and cauterize and treat. You become doctor, and teacher, and lawyer, and bodyguard.
There are lessons in every bruise of every body of every scared child in the world. Because we are all children when we are hurled up in a corner. Every soldier needs their mummy, no matter how old they are. And so we learn.
But, is that not a fucked up thing to say? “Well, now you know. Lesson learned. Be thankful for the experience.”
Now you know what it’s like to be given poison every morning and continue to thank them for their kindness.
Now you know it truly can happen to anyone. No one is safe. Not even the smart and sassy feminists.
Now you know that people can love you and tear you apart at the same time.
Now you know the kind of shame that drowns even the steadiest voice.
Now you know. Lesson learned. Be thankful for the experience.
It is a fucked up game to play: to drink tragedy with a dose of sugar, and to never say the A word.
The ‘A’ word means maybe he did not love you. Or worse, that maybe he did. He loved you and then he killed you. Every day.
The ‘A’ word means you let that happen to you.
The ‘A’ word means you are a victim. You were broken.
The ‘A’ word also means you must have had a moment of enlightenment. That you are all changed now, because the ‘a’ word means, you must get better somehow.
But let me be clear: Abuse. Abuse, did not make you stronger. It showed you how strong, how full of life force you already were.
Abuse did not show you the way with his fists, you showed yourself out with your own two fucking feet.
And let me be clearer: Abuse.. Abuse, did not build you. You are not his work of art.
Abuse did not build you.
You are not his work of art.
The ‘Thank You’ cards can stay in your desk: you are artist, art, and audience; you are strong like an amazon. You dodged every bullet and stitched every cut yourself.
Listen well, kid: Abuse did not build you. You are not his work of art.