Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 5.09

Emily decides she is ready to date, stomping on Rory’s hopes and dreams for a reunion. Lor finds out Rory told Chris to stay away, and Jackson is hiding from the entire town.

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing with future events in mind. SPOILER ALERT.

I want to briefly talk about how much of a treasure TJ is. He is such a mediocre dork, but since his character is mostly for comedic relief, I take him as such. His humor is super excellent and right up my alley in a way. 

Sookie is still pregnant
I love pregnant Sookie. I have a feeling that that’s how I would be if I ever become pregnant: indecisive, emotional, hungry (more so than I am already, I mean). And hey, I just read this article that perfectly sums up my admiration for Melissa McCarthy’s treasure of a character: The lasting importance of Sookie St James.
She cries about celebrity couples that broke up ages ago. My sweet darling.
Jackson: Tons of people have broken up since then.
Oh Jackson. So helpful.

Speaking of Jackson, he is still running away from his town selectman responsibilities. He refuses to cut ribbons for inaugurations, and so someone leaves fucking gigantic scissors on his home doorsteps. That is mildly terrifying. They also ambush him into a town meeting. Poor Jackson.

Rory wants to get the grandparents back together
Rory: I have an idea.
Lorelai: Finally this Yale thing is kicking in.

Rory wants to “divide and conquer”, get to the two grandparents separately to get them back together. Now, I understand the “wanting your grandparents to be together” thing, but, it’s not for her to decide if it is right for them. I feel for her. When it comes to her family relations, sometimes she is still a little kid. She believes she can change their mind, and that the baggage between different people in her family can go away. I don’t relate to that on a personal level, but I can see how this can be true for many.

xxx

Rory tries to talk “sense” into Richard, while Lorelai sort of, uh, tries? But Emily quickly brings up the fact that she wants to start dating, and enlists Lorelai’s help on the men department. The evidence Emily has that Richard has moved on? He did not pass her the butter at a dinner party. It sounds ridiculous but it is extremely true, that often when we are heartbroken and hurt, we see signs of not caring, disrespect, etc from the other everywhere, even in really small, probably unimportant acts.

So, at the end-ish of the episode, Emily asks for Lor’s help dressing up for a date, and goes ahead with said date. They seem to be having a good, interesting time – Kelly Bishop is amazing and gorgeous and honestly a goddess. But when the dude in question – Simon Whateverthehell – drives her home, she shuts the door behind her, her smile fades and she starts to cry. It is fucking heartbreaking. She feels alone but also does not feel like connecting again. I get that.

Lor hasn’t heard from Christopher
… and we know why, but she doesn’t. She calls him to ask what’s up, and Chris avoids most questions, so Lor invites him to lunch at the Dragonfly Inn, and without telling either of them, and without knowing why this is a big deal, Lor invites Rory too. Rory arrives to lunch and sees Chris there, believes it was his idea to meet with her mom, and gets mad at him. After making everyone uncomfortable, Chris decides to leave lunch early. Rory asks Lor if she initiated contact and, since she did, Lor asks Rory what’s going on.
As I was saying before, I get Rory’s concerns very much. I get her wanting to protect her mom, even if it wasn’t her call, and even if her approach wasn’t ideal. Chris does ruin things, every single time, throughout the entire show. And Rory is tired of being caught in the middle, of having her hopes for her dad and for her family crushed time and time again. She is also at the moment dealing with her grandparents separation. I also want to remind everyone of the contrast between this Rory and season 1 Rory, who insisted her dad had changed and that Lorelai should marry him. Rory has grown up so much, and so has her disappointment, and her lack of spoons for mediocre father figures. I get it.
Rory also asks Lor what Luke thought about the lunch, to which Lor lied and said Luke was fine. Lor later wonders why she didn’t tell Luke – was it fear of him getting jealous and beat up a car? was it because there is some truth to Lor’s forever feelings for Chris? was it because it really is no big deal? – so she tells him. Luke acts like he is fine with it, but then brings it up with TJ, meaning he has doubts. I hate Luke’s jealousy. It is violent and he doesn’t talk about it and it’s also kind of entitled? Ugh. Gross.This will also become a thing in a few episodes, and throughout the series, really. Although I can see that here he is trying not to be the jealous jerk that kicks cars. He tries, I guess.
I like (I mean, I don’t like it, but I can relate to) how Lorelai works the “I saw Christopher” thing into a funny story about something else. I have done that sometimes, with tricky subjects. Like “oh yeah I went grocery shopping, did laundry, threw your computer in a pool, I also rode my bike to school.” Y’know? Not the best, healthiest communication technique, but I can’t say I haven’t done it.

Paris fasts for Ramadan
I don’t know how I feel about this? On the one hand, that would give her a closer idea about the physical aspect of fasting but not really about the entire spiritual process, or the tradition behind it, or growing up within these traditions and beliefs and culture. So, to me, it is kind of useless. And it leads to the sort of white reasoning that goes, “oh I know exactly what you mean, I did this social experiment where I *was you* for one day” which is ridiculous, ignorant, and insulting. She might have gained a lot more interviewing people that do Ramadan before, during and after, read their experiences, etc. White people thinking the only way an experience is real is if they experience it themselves is what evil and white supremacy are all about.
She also ends up trivializing it by ordering tons and tons of American food, without further reflection on her part, or any follow-up to the reasons why she did Ramadan in the first place.

Marty wants Rory
Not a lot of people care, but in case you do, this is further demonstrated in this episode. I like their friendship more without the friendzone-y vibe going on for him. I like him okay, I just don’t see why everyone has to be a potential love interest.

xxx

The next episode is pretty fantastic. Rory gets to babysit, Luke establishes himself as (an even more solid) Brooding Dude Extraordinaire, Logan pulls yet another one of his shenanigans.

Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 5.04

Taylor is being impossible, as always, so Jackson decides to run against him for town selectman. Rory and Dean meet up to talk about what the hell is up. Or something. Paris inherits a printing press from Asher. Lane is working out her recently-discovered feelings for Zack.

 
(But also, I love parallels. Check it!)

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing with future events in mind. SPOILER ALERT.

Rory and Dean are looking for places to be
This is so painful for me. So painful. That they’re a thing.
I appreciate Paris’ honesty in asking Rory to set up a roommate system in relation to bringing boys to their suite. It’s important.
They go to Dean’s house and her mom is being “weird” (although to be honest it’s not weird to me that she would feel iffy about that relationship, or about Dean having sex in their house… I don’t necessarily approve, but it’s not weird). They can’t seem to find a good place or a good time to be together, especially to have sex.
Their attempt at having sex in a car is the most relatable thing, though. Having sex in a car is so so uncomfortable, most of the times. So uncomfortable.
But like, ugh. Fucking hell. They can’t have sex because the car is uncomfortable but like, that’s no one’s fault. Rory did drive all the way to SH just to hang out with him. She says ‘sorry’ and he says ‘yeah’. I know it is a small thing but it sounds like he is accepting her apology, like he thinks she does have to apologize for not being able to fuck?
Then he goes into broody, pissy mood and asks her to just take him home, and gets mad at Rory and puts his cheating-ass guilt on her. Like it is her fault that he decided to break Lindsey’s heart. He is the fucking worst.
And, Lorelai is right. She does have a car. But she also has school. And he acts like the ungrateful little shit that he is.

Anyhoo. He apologizes which like, whatevs. After so many times of pulling the same shit, I don’t care about his apologies. Then Rory asks the question I referred to, a couple of episodes earlier: would Dean have left Lindsey if she (Lindsey) hadn’t found the letter? Dean obviously says yes – although he hesitates. I don’t think he would have. Not anytime soon, anyway. He has zero spine.

Lane and her feels
I find Zack mediocre at best. But oooh well. Boys that age are usually mediocre at best anyway. Lane keeps getting jealous of Zack for wanting to have girls over at their apartment. Oh Lane, you beautiful baby. My favorite part is when she is explaining to Rory that bands with members that break up usually go downhill from there, and she plays Rory two Rilo Kiley songs – one pre- member break-up, one post-member break up – to see if Rory can hear a difference. Over the phone. Lane is so so precious.

x x
x x
Empty promises! I demand to see this.

At the end of Jackson’s rally, back at their place, Lane decides to finally tell Zack about her feelings.

Jackson is running for office
It seems kind of weird that no one ever runs against Taylor. Taylor talks at some point about how lazy everyone in town is, politically speaking. I guess that must be true. But yay Jackson for running. Jackson is also very precious.
Kirk offers to interview people to know who they’ll vote for, and apparently everyone wants Taylor out. Except Taylor. Who seats alone at his shop eating whipped cream out of the canister.
I would feel bad if he wasn’t such a douchecanoe so much of the time…

I adore how Hep Alien made The Greatest American Hero theme song sound cool.

 

So anyway. Jackson wins, even though he regrets having run in the first place. Rory and Dean are now officially a thing. Paris has a printing press in the common room.
‘Till next time. Where Luke and Dean try to play Bop It, and fail at the spirit of the game.

Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 4.07

The Festival of Living Art! So good.

Lane is still looking for a guitarist. The town is participating in a festival in which people imitate famous works of art. Sookie is still pregnant, much to people’s (none-of-their-business) surprise.

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing with future events in mind. SPOILER ALERT

x x

Sookie is waiting for the baby!
OH MY GOD THIS IS THE EPISODE WITH RON SWANSON IN IT. Well, Nick Offerman, who plays Jackson’s brother, Bo, who is there for the coming of the offspring.

Sookie and Jackson want a natural birth with a midwife. I don’t know if I would want that personally, but it is a great thing to have and is perfectly safe. I am glad they do it as a thing that is not a big deal, even if Lorelai and Rory are being all squeamish about it. I wish they had given a bit more screen time to Jackson and Sookie talking about how they feel. Midwife-mediated childbirth is fascinating to me.

Everyone keeps giving their unwanted opinion on Sookie’s pregnancy. I am definitely not looking forward to that if I ever get pregnant. Once there is a fetus inside you, everyone knows you better than you know yourself.
Sookie freaks out in the middle of the night and visits Lorelai.

Sookie: Yours came out. How did you get yours out?
Lorelai: I swallowed a map.

Hep Alien finds a guitarist
After dozens of shitty musicians, the band is finally excited about one. Sebastian Bach! I love him. He is also a really good guitarist, significantly better than the rest of the band.
He is older though, so at first Zack says no and since the vote has to be unanimous, it’s over. Which may mean there is no more band. In the end, though, Lane sees Gill (the dude) with his family and cannot say no to him.

The Festival of Living Pictures
I would love to attend such a thing. It sounds fun.
I have to say, The few but consistent lesbian jokes Lorelai makes are much less funny to me than they used to. I mean, besides the age difference, what would be funny or weird about a woman asking Rory out? So heteronormative, this show.

Kirk is Jesus! This is everything to me. It must be interesting to read the bible as research for a role. You aren’t reading it as a religious text (or not exclusively, anyway), or as literature. But preparation for a role. And Kirk takes it very seriously, fighting Judas (the town troubadour), imparting wisdom on the streets, etc.

Lorelai is upset because she won’t be the Renoir girl, as Taylor and Patty are sure Lor flinched 7 years ago. In the end, Rory makes sure her mom gets the role she wants.

 
 

While the festival is going on, Nicole shows up and suggests Luke and her date, since the problem was getting married, not being together. I kind of like how her head works in this respect.

Later on, while Lorelai is up, as the Renoir girl, her baby pager – the one Jackson gave her for when Sookie got into labor – starts to ring. Lor doesn’t flinch though. and runs to Sookie’s house as soon as the curtain closes.

Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 3.16

Rory and Paris are both expecting their acceptance letters from universities. They are also competing to give a speech at the Chilton bicentennial, for which they are chosen to speak together. Lorelai runs into Max Medina. Sookie finds out something about herself.

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing with future events in mind. SPOILER ALERT.

After watching the scene where Kirk is the world’s worst mailman, I think maybe it’s not that Kirk has a million jobs at once, but that he constantly gets fired from jobs and has to rotate between different things around town.

The bicentennial speech competition
Seeing that Chilton is so academically intense, and both Rory and Paris are super academically intense, Madeline and Louise are always a breath of fresh air. Waving their floozy pride and showing off their hickeys. As one should.

Paris hazing people like that before they give their speech to the judges is kind of pathetic. What happened to her smug “I am smarter than everyone ever” attitude? Honestly.

Poor Brad. He goes to perform on Broadway and he gets back to Paris still harassing him.

And like, of course Chilton would tell both Rory and Paris to combine their speeches because they both win. Because plot. Their friendship is important to me too, Headmaster Charleston. Thank you for that. I also think it is wonderful that ladies are the best at everything in this school.

Paris tells Rory, while preparing the combined speech, that she slept with Jamie. Lorelai overhears them and is glad to hear that Rory has not had sex (because she doesn’t trust that Rory would tell her or..?) and whispers to herself “I got the good kid.” So Paris, or others who are having sex – and let’s remember, they are 18 at this point, not even that young at all – are not the good kids? Fuck off.

Aaaaand then she doesn’t get into Harvard. Sweet darling.

 

Imagine actually blaming the fact that you had your sexual debut, for not getting into Harvard? Actually imagine it. It must feel awful.

Paris: After all the trouble the sex thing has ’caused me… I’d better have been good.
Rory: There’s the perspective I know and love.

Booops. I would have wanted to know about Madeline and Louise’s acceptance letters. They mention some disappointment at some point over Madeline getting into an all-girls school she hated, for example, but nothing else. While I appreciate how they’re a breath of fresh air compared to Paris’ high-strung-ness, I don’t like how the writing makes them appear like they have zero fucks to give about everything besides boys.

Sookie is pregnant

Sookie’s taste buds seem to be off, and both her and Lor figure out she is probably pregnant, and she is!
What the hell is wrong with Jackson? Who says nothing after your wife tells you you are going to be a father? Literally nothing.
And I mean, I know it is played off as something odd but cute, but Jackson deciding over the speed to drive at, what to throw out of the house, how Sookie should or shouldn’t move, to me seems more oppressive than cute. She is the one with the expanding uterus.

I am glad he sort of comes to his senses about all that. He has a creepy way of showing how happy he is about Sookie being pregnant.

Lorelai runs into Max 
I liked Max a lot. There is also something about him that I really just want to give him a lap dance while he recites poetry to me or something.

AND NOW THEY KISS. Lorelai doesn’t know what it means.

Rory and Lorelai come back home after the speech, and open the mailbox: she has a letter from Harvard: The Big One. She also gets a big envelope from Princeton, and from Yale. What will she do?

Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 3.01

Welcome to Season 3. My favorite season!

Rory comes back from her summer in DC to find Jess moving on, which should surprise, um, nobody. Paris has a date. Lorelai is pushed to tell her parents that Chris is not in the picture and why that is. Luke and Lor make up (post Jess-related fight), and Sookie wants to ‘butch up’ her house. 

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing retrospectively. SPOILER ALERT.

I think this is my favorite season opening scene for a season in Gilmore girls – which is fitting, favorite opening for my favorite season. Kinda shitty quality, but here it is.
I love it because for most people, their first reaction is something like, “did I miss something? Did I skip a few episodes? Why is Luke in Lorelai’s kitchen? Why did they just kiss? WHY IS HE TALKING TO HER BELLY?!” And that is beautiful.

Paris has a date
Jamie! Jamie is here. I love Jamie so much. We don’t see enough of him in the future and that’s not okay. He is so gorgeous. But he is there now. With his rude-ass gorgeous face. (I cannot find a decent still from him on Gilmore girls but feel free to google Brandon Barash at your leisure)

Paris: Oh, man, I can’t believe this! I finally get asked out on a date and I missed it! Was it a good ask-out?
Rory: It was a very good ask-out.
Paris: I wish I’d been there.

Paris is super nervous to go out on a date. My sweet baby. She is so cute about it, too! She does need to calm down if she wants to, um, not die of an ulcer at age 40. She is in high school and she is saying that most girls get rose petals and candlelit dinners? What?! Who does she get that from? Jamie making a dinner reservation is kind of unrealistic. Although I guess if he is a Princeton man, he is rich and can afford a fancy Zagat-recommended dinner even though he is like 19? Who knows.

Kirk: One day it occurred to me – cows never wrinkle. Think about it, have you ever seen a wrinkled cow? No, not once. So I thought to myself, “THAT is weird”
Michel: Yes… That, and other things.

Sookie wants her place to be more manly
She is so adorable, trying to change up her place so that it is more welcoming to Jackson. How can you decorate things in a manly way, though? What is manly decoration? The ‘Leon Troutsky’ is kind of gross. The bear she ends up buying is terrifying. All the ‘cabin style’ stuff she buys is beyond ridiculous.

I am glad they go back to the way her house was. I like her house.

The lazy hazy days of summer, and Jess
While I understand 17-year-old Rory getting upset about Jess making out with a girl, I don’t understand fans or anyone else getting upset. He is 17/18, it was a whole two months during a summer, and like Jess points out to Rory, she just kissed him, told him not to tell anyone, and left for the summer.
I also don’t appreciate Lorelai’s comment about ‘dodging a bullet’, and about being sure Jess would move on to someone else in an hour. There’s a lot of slut-shaming happening when it comes to Shane (and Jess does treat her like shit too), but here it is also about Jess. So they’re making out against a tree. Rory and Dean do that too, except they don’t know how to kiss so they look icky instead of hot. In any case, Lorelai keeps on her tradition of jumping to conclusions about Jess based on zero evidence.
Lorelai jumps to shaming Rory for kissing Jess, and yes, kissing is cheating, but let’s be honest here, Lorelai is pissed because it is Jess, not because it is cheating. While it is true that Rory has been dragging Dean along (not answering any of his letters during the summer, for example, and being super unresponsive in general) and that she should probably make up her mind – or open up her relationship (a poly girl can dream) – screaming at Rory in the middle of the street is probably not helpful.

Dean: I am glad to find you not blonde.
Rory: Yeah, I was having way too much fun.

Have I said enough how much I love this show?

Lorelai must ‘fess up about Chris
Ah, Lor. Putting off telling stuff to your parents until the last minute. You and I both.
I understand that Emily and Richard and Lorelai have a lot of baggage and a lot of crushed expectations when it comes to Christopher, but I don’t understand why they continue to treat her like a child, trying to control her decisions, manipulate her, shame her about what she decides to do or not do. Even if the reason for Chris and Lor breaking up was “it didn’t work out”, or “I don’t want to”, the parents should respect that. They should trust her daughter enough for that, but they don’t. They are both infuriatingly patronizing and awful when it comes to Chris, to be honest.

But hey, at least Lorelai made up with Luke in the aftermath of that terrible “conversation” with her parents. I am glad Luke stayed mad at her for some time – she deserved it, after how much of a douchenozzle she was to him – but I am glad they’re good again. Which makes me think, with Rory gone for the entire summer, and without being able to go into Luke’s, what did Lorelai even do all summer? No wonder she was deadly bored.

Ah, what a season. I am super excited to get started.

Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 2.22

We have reached the end of season 2?!! Woohoo. I like this episode a lot. Especially one scene. If you’ve watched it, you know which scene.

The summary for this one is easy: It is Sookie’s wedding. Some people return to Stars Hollow. Oh! Paris is running for student council, and she needs a vice-president. 

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing retrospectively. SPOILER ALERT.

Ohh! OHHHH! One of the Gilmore girls catchphrases happens in this episode. Oy with the poodles already! A classic.

Paris wants to be prez
Paris is way too intense for a high school student council. I like her. And of course she would pair up with Rory, have her be vice-president. Ladies being badass queens together is one of the many things I love about this show.

She kinda does.

Paris has a concession speech!! My sweet darling. You had to know you would win, because you are precious.

How did she get Dean’s number? That is super creepy and I want answers.

Sookie is getting married!
Jackson must wear a kilt for his wedding! I am in love. I kind of love men in kilts? Maybe it’s ’cause I’ve only seen hot men in kilts, but I do!
Sookie’s wedding dress is gorgeous. I don’t see beautiful wedding dresses often in movies or TV shows, don’t know why. But Sookie is so cute when she is freaking out about her wedding. Sookie is always uber cute, to be fair. I love her.

Rory: Fourth ring of hell, party of one.
Lorelai: Well, at least my feet wont get cold.

I use this line all the time! Yayyy!

Christopher comes to ruin everything, again.
Chris is such a mistery for me. Or, rather, he infuriates me. He just waltzes in and out of everyone’s life. Literally everyone. He is so good-looking, but damn is he annoying. He still has a girlfriend (being in “iffy” terms is still being in some terms, y’know?) and he goes off and has sex with his ex, makes grand promises of love to both her and HIS DAUGHTER, and then flies away again. Annoying.
And like, okay. Lorelai has sex with the guy and all of a sudden “the moment is right”? Is he seriously that good in bed? Chris is an unreliable, flighty, irresponsible dude who makes grand statements and gestures like asking Lor to marry her in their kitchen after lying about his finances. But those gestures are shit. They always are.

Is he zoophilic? Is that what is being said here? Brief break to appreciate this fact, ok? Ok.

Oh Lor. You know better than to get your hopes up, and more annoyingly your parents’ hopes up, about Christopher. This might come to bite you later. (Spoiler: it does.) And telling Rory, the morning after you had sex with him and decided that “you were going to try”? I ask again, was the sex seriously that good?

And like, seriously Chris, get it together. If you didn’t stay with Lorelai when she was pregnant at 16 because a baby isn’t enough of a reason to marry someone, what makes you think it is now? Grow a pair.

And then, BAM! Jess is back.
When I first watched the series, I think I started in season 3? And so I knew Jess was going to come back when I went back to seasons 1 and 2. But, man! That re-entrance would have made my teenage heart stop.
Jess wanted to come back. From his “beloved” NYC. He wanted to come back. Do not even tell me it was just because of Rory. I think it wasn’t. I think it was also Luke. I think it was also not wanting to be with his mother, in that volatile environment. I think he would never admit it but he liked bits and pieces of Stars Hollow, he liked the possibility of growth.

And here comes THE SCENE. I have watched this episode easily ten times, okay? I can never not rewind that scene again, and again. Here, you can replay it too. Don’t want to click on that? Fair enough.

There it is. In GIF form so that it is preserved in an eternal loop of goodness.

I know he is a huge jerk to her a number of times in season 3, and I know it’s not even that good of a kiss (I think it is all Alexis’ fault: she pecks instead of kissing). But I just… my weak heart goes bananas with that kiss. Still does, to this day. No shame. (Or maybe a little shame..)

Heh. Rory decides to go to Washington for the summer to run away from her boy troubles. I am so Rory, and Rory is so me. Buh-bye, season 2!

Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 2.17

A summary first: Luke’s uncle dies and Luke tries to organize a funeral for him, like his dad wanted. A produce stands up across the street from Doose’s Market. See? Dead Uncles and Vegetables. Also Emily tries to help Sookie plan her wedding and takes everything, as per usual, to ridiculous lengths.

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing retrospectively. SPOILER ALERT.

This episode isn’t super fun, but it is heart-warming. This review will be all over the place, though.

I like Rory pushing Jess (sometimes literally, like the beginning of this episode) to be better. I know that can kind of follow the “women can change a broken man” cliche, but because Jess is young and can (and does) change, I will allow. I am biased, I know. Whatevs.

Lorelai’s “diner talk”.

Taylor is going bananas about the troubadour-turned-vegetable guy, but, who cares.

Taylor: Late again, are we?
Lorelai: Yes, I hope I’m not pregnant.
Taylor: You really have to work on your punctuality. I banged in the meeting half an hour ago.
Lorelai: Dirty.
…
Taylor: I am going to give Miss Patty my gavel.
Lorelai: Again. Dirty.

This show is so silly sometimes. It is truly wonderful.

Luke plans a funeral
I need some input from people who have lived in small towns. Do fellow townspeople help out in the way that Lor and Rory help Luke with the diner? Is that a thing? Or is that just the Gilmore girls being adorable? Same with Lorelai just setting aside 9 rooms for Luke’s family and the funeral.

Michel: Nine rooms for Luke from Luke’s Diner. 
Lorelai: That’s right.
Michel: French fry convention? 
Lorelai: No, just personal.
Michel: Milkshake symposium?
Lorelai: No, Michel. It’s something personal, and I am vouching for him.
Michel: Soda pop seminar? Pickle party?

I am not sure if this is a middle-upper class dude mocking “lowly” flannel-shirted Luke (although, I mean, he is a business owner), or a Frenchman mocking American food diners. Or possibly both.

I don’t know what to think or say when it comes to funerals. Dead people sometimes happen to have been assholes when they were alive, and I understand sometimes people not wanting to go to their funerals. Sometimes you didn’t even know the person almost at all. Thing is, though, funerals aren’t really for the dead. They’re for the people left behind. Sometimes – like this episode – they’re more of a testament to how much people care about the ones who live than the ones who died. Grief is an interesting thing.

Emily plans a wedding
Midgets dressed like angels dancing under papier-mache mushrooms on top of big ceramic stands? I love the writers’ imagination, but what the hell is that? And at what part of the wedding would they come in? I have so many questions. I love how amused Michel is. He isn’t trying to talk Sookie out of it, like any sensible person would, but instead just watching from the sidelines, taking pictures. I sometimes am Michel.

Sookie’s face when she is “getting out of Emily-land” is priceless. It’s so good. Melissa McCarthy is so SO good.

Emily: The wedding I was planning was for Sookie. The mushrooms and the colors, they all seemed like fun. A little crazy, just like she is. It definitely was not for you.
…
Emily: Yours was going to be a Russian winter theme — the Romanovs.
Lorelai: Before the firing squad, I assume?

That line makes me laugh for like 5 minutes, every time.

And then Emily once again hints at the obvious: “Burgers and fries for the dinner, the bride walks down the aisle with a ketchup dispenser in her hand…” I kind of wanted Emily to continue with that idea.

Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 2.13

Another one in which Dean is the fucking worst. It’s a great episode though, so, hang in there. This is a long one, but a review I like a lot.

The summary: The town has its annual Bid on a Basket shindig, which is about women preparing a basket full of food and men bidding on it. Does it sound vaguely sexist and archaic, and heteronormative and all sorts of ugly things? That’s because it is! It’s still fun, though, because Jackson must fight Kirk for Sookie’s basket, Jess outbids Dean, and Lorelai begs Luke to save her from Miss Patty’s matchmaking attempts. Lane gets her heart broken, there is some Gilmore girl fighting, and I get a lot of feelings.

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing retrospectively. SPOILER ALERT.

Let’s do this by pairs of people. Because there is a lot going on.

Lane, Oh Lane
I really appreciate Lane’s really convoluted schemes to go on dates and other fun things behind her mom’s back. The CD’s beneath her wooden floor, her funky room inside the closet, getting Rory to call Henry and her at the same time, planning what time Henry should call a payphone in accordance to her route with the fake date guy, and so many more schemes to come. She’s good at the scheming thing, even better than me! I felt bad when she got dumped, though. It IS kind of shitty to have to hide and scheme so I get why Henry did that, but I also know what having to hide so you can have something resembling a social life, so… le sigh.

When Mrs Kim finds out there is a boy and screams at Lane, gosh, I feel so sad. Lane could have told her mom, but she was afraid, and now it’s over. It’s sad.

Sookie & Jackson
Honestly, Jackson is an idiot. I would not have guessed that what he meant by asking Sookie whether or not he should renew his lease was to hint at moving in together. Jackson is an adult and using his words is a thing that should be happening by now. What kind of person asks if they should move in together by giving second-grader type hints? And then gets his panties in a bunch because the girlfriend didn’t get his weird-ass immature hint and acts all sulky and passive-aggressive during the basket bidding thing? Get your shit together, Jackson.

They talk it out though and then, because Kirk had won Sookie’s basket, Jackson had to pay Kirk and at last, Jackson and Sookie have their super fancy picnic food. And squeeeee!! a marriage proposal that actually makes me smile!

Rory & Jess (& Dean, I guess)
Dean’s (so far) uncalled-for hatred of Jess just makes me like Jess more and Dean less, to be honest. Jealousy does not go well with his already laughable self. Jess is a smartass and he gets on Dean’s nerves doing close to nothing, which I find precious. I can see how fans of Dean could see Jess as a super jerk because he is doing stuff to annoy Dean in a way that Rory either doesn’t notice or sees as unintentional/benign, when they aren’t. I’m not a Dean fan though, so Jess can carry on being a dick for all I care.

Bidding on Rory’s basket was a dick move on Jess’ part, but a great dick move at that. Where did he get $80, though? He probably stole it from Luke’s cash register or something. Jess got to spend alone time with Rory AND ALSO annoy the hell out of Dean, so double points for him! However, let us be clear: he is making moves on a girl who has a boyfriend, which is not super nice. I don’t even think he is definitely, explicitly interested in Rory romantically here, though. He does like her a lot, and has no way of knowing if he has a chance unless he tries. Plus, he doesn’t owe Dean anything. Plus, they’re 17 so, really, who cares all that much. Still, to be fair, he is being a jerk to Dean.

Dean acts like it’s the end of the world and like Jess getting the basket equals Jess getting Rory. One doesn’t “get” human beings, but of course sexist-doormat-Dean would think that Rory and her basket belong to him. “He was messing with me, and it’s the last time, I swear to God.” It’s a fucking basket..! Is Dean really that insecure that he thinks a picnic between Jess and Rory will get Dean out of the picture? Sad.

I am screaming at the screen. (Well, I’m not, but I want to.) Dean speaks for Rory and over her. And, I repeat, it’s only a picnic. He is so possessive and insecure, it is absolutely gross.

Rory: It’s a picnic. We’ll sit, we’ll eat, it’s over.
Dean: No. 

Who the hell do you think you are, Dean? She is not asking for permission. She is trying to pacify you so you’ll stop making a scene, if anything. And honestly, Rory does not stand up to him enough. At all, actually.

Rory: Dean, you’re my boyfriend. I would never do anything to hurt you.
Dean: Yeah? Well you’re doing it right now.

Such a drama queen. Such an emotionally abusive, manipulative asshole. Such an insecure little wartface. UGH.

Rory: So why’d you do it?
Jess: Do what?
Rory: Outbid Dean like that…
Jess: I don’t know. I guess it started as a joke just to bug him, but then he just got so mad. And he is so tall. And I just was looking at him, and he’s standing there all tall and mad, and I don’t know — it was really funny.

I love how Dean’s tallness is a factor.

A note on authors: Ayn Rand vs Ernest Hemingway is not even a question. I’d go Hemingway (so, Jess’ choice) all the way.

And finally, Jess picks up Rory’s bracelet from the floor. Yup, the one Dean gave to her. This is not even subtle, because this is the episode where Rory begins to drop Dean and fall for Jess. So she leaves the bracelet behind. And I – even with all the jerk moves Jess will make in the future – wholeheartedly approve.

Lorelai & Luke
Miss Patty sets Lor up with guys to bid on her basket. They all look like clones of each other, though. It’s creepy. This part raises the question, though: what would happen if a guy prepares a basket and a girl bids? If a guy prepares and another guy bids? If I bid on Lorelai’s basket? If a nonbinary person does? Like, would the town care or would Taylor have none if it? Lor says it would be pathetic to buy her own basket but, I mean, if it is possible within the rules, my guess is anyone could bid, right?

Anyhoo, back to Luke. I love how he knows exactly what Lorelai would put in her basket. It’s the small things that make this Lor x Luke shipper smile.

I cannot fully express how much I love that Lorelai uses the bid-on-a-basket thing (and all its misogyny) to her advantage, getting dudes who fix things to bid on her basket and then getting home-improvement deals. It’s so so good.

And finally, Lorelai fights with Rory
One thing I cannot ever forgive from Lorelai is meddling so much in favor of Dean and against Jess. Sure, being concerned over your daughter hanging out with a kid who fights and steals is okay, but do you not know your daughter? She is good and responsible and super smart: give her a break. Dean goes crying to Lorelai like an immature dickface was a terrible move, and Lorelai IS taking Dean’s side. Dean is 100x worse at everything and he is an emotionally abusive boyfriend and Lorelai is giving Rory a lecture on something she knows absolute shit about.

Also, I repeat, they went on a fucking picnic, they didn’t flee to Tijuana. Jesus fucking Christ.

I am glad Emily agrees with Lorelai because Lorelai’s is the kind of unreasonable position that Emily would take, and the kind that should scare the hell out of Lor. Honestly Lorelai gets me so upset when it comes to Jess because she knows absolutely nothing. It also seems out of character since she is so chill about everything else, but she is so used to everything around Rory being a bubble that anything remotely resembling real life is scary to her as a mother. UGH.

Today I (re)watch: Gilmore girls, 1.12

Ahhh, Double Date. Fun times.

The summary: As the title hints at, there are double dates. Lorelai agrees to a double date with Sookie & Jackson (adorable alert!) and Jackson’s awful cousin, Rune. Rory agrees to help out Lane and goes on a double date with Dean and her incredibly boring friend Todd. Hilarity, awkwardness, and gorgeous-ladies-with-mediocre-boys are all key elements in this episode.

SPOILER ALERT. I have seen all the seasons before, so I am reviewing retrospectively. SPOILER ALERT.

I have never heard of a double/blind date (that you decide to label as such) that was not at best boring and cheesy, at worst awkward and horrifying. This episode is super entertaining but also makes me wonder how all the ladies in this show are straight when most men surrounding them are so mediocre. I know that’s not how sexual orientation works but oh-my-god. Todd is the worst. Rune is the worst. Dean is the worst. Jackson is alright I guess. Luke is amazing but takes too fucking long to realize that he is amazing so, also the worst.

Back to the episode. Sookie is super nervous about her date with Jackson and cannot think of another way but to make it a double date with Lorelai, since Rune, Jackson’s cousin, is in town at the moment. Now, I only forgive Sookie because (a) her nervousness is adorable, and (b) she had no way of knowing just how much of an asshole Rune is. Seriously, such a sleazy doucheface.

I like that this episode is not about the Gilmore girls’ dating lives (which is essentially the rest of the show). It’s about their friends. But boy are the men terrible. Rune is a jackass! Lorelai is gorgeous, and smart, and independent, and fashionable, and funny. Rune is ugly, dumb, boring, rude, sleazy, a bad cousin, unfunny (except when he beheads the fancy candle swans, that’s golden) and annoying. He should be so lucky, and he is so so unpleasant to Lorelai and such a ridiculously immature, entitled manchild. I would have punched him.

Poor Sookie is so awkward and nervous and she clearly has not dated in a while and really likes Jackson. This episode perfectly illustrates why I think going to fancy restaurants for first dates is terrible, though. It’s too much pressure and it’s stuffy and you are almost invariable stuck in front of each other and food is expensive and, urgh. Just, no, don’t do it, ever. Once they get to Luke’s they are much more relaxed and feel at ease with each other. Greasy diner > fancy restaurant, any day.

Lane: How do I look?
Rory: Too good for him.
Lane: Just what I was going for.

I had kind of forgotten (not really, but I don’t think of him that often) how uninteresting and annoying Todd was. He also makes zero effort to even seem interesting or fun which makes me think he is also a sleazebag who thinks – like white boys tend to – that just by showing up they are doing the world a favor. Lane is also super smart and pretty and awesome and Todd is just a blob.

Initially when Dean is not too convinced about the double date I think he knew that Todd was completely without appeal. That’s my theory.

Now for tonight’s edition of Luke x Lorelai Sexual Tension (TM), DAMN YOU MRS KIM! Luke was going to ask Lorelai out! I know it, my best friend knows it, Buzzfeed knows it. Mrs Kim could have saved us years of waiting, and could have saved Lorelai those same years of dead ends. They are too sexy and OMG my hormones. Anyway.

Now Sookie and Jackson are dating, Lane knows for sure that Todd is not for her, we know for sure that Luke needs to have sex with Lorelai ASAP. All is good in the world.